Image by Todd McLelland
I wrote this post by sitting with an empty mind and asking inwardly what to write. The following is what came through, with no editing.
Conscious Being Awareness – What is it?
I had a dream last night in which I was riding a bike that was falling apart. None of the individual parts of the bike were attached properly. They were just kind of slotted in or on with no nuts in place to stop them falling off. As I rode the bike, I had to concentrate on cycling carefully to keep it all together. At one point, as I was cycling downhill on cobbles, the wheel fell off and I fell off. I found the wheel, put it back on and carried on cycling in that same careful way. Strangely, falling off didn’t hurt.
I was also aware of being followed, it felt like someone was stalking me and I had to be clever to lose them. The strange thing is, is that I have no idea where I was headed. It felt like aimless rushing; a need to be somewhere else but not knowing where.
So, as I write this, I don’t know why I am telling you about the dream. I don’t know where this writing is going. I am just following what I am presented with in my mind. When I picked up the computer it was because I felt something was lurking just on the edge of my thoughts, and it wanted to be written.
[I shut my eyes and ask inwardly again: what I am writing? The ideas are given and I continue]
I am reminded that I had been pondering what gets in the way of creativity. What stops me from being productive? I had just had the thought that the names of the days of the week was one thing that blocked me. You know, because it is Saturday I need rest. I am tired on Saturdays and need rest because Thursday and Friday are busy days. If I didn’t know it was Saturday and if I had no recollection of what I had done the day before, would I feel the need to lounge around and be ‘unproductive’?
So, what does the dream mean or represent and what has it got to do with the days of the week? When I ask inwardly, I get the sense that the dream illustrates the compulsion we have that we should always be moving towards something else. We should be better, improving, going somewhere, achieving something, creating experience. Our mode of travelling is precarious, deliberately so. We are careful in the way that we travel as we know that if we are not, everything will fall apart. Our way of travelling will come apart. But, no matter how carefully you try to cycle, the road will shake you and your vehicle will fall apart and you won’t reach your destination. The thing is, there was no destination. There was only ever the journey. And when you fall, you find that it doesn’t hurt.
So, what about the stalker? (Again, I ask inwardly because the me inside me knows all the answers. She’s even the one giving me the questions 😉.) The stalker is me. I am observing myself. So, why did I want to get away from her? Why did I feel a bit scared? Because I felt she demanded things from me. She thought I was something more than I believe I am. Someone worthy of attention. She believes I am amazing and of course that’s creepy and weird because I am not. I try to escape that expectation because it is uncomfortable. She feels kind of threatening. It’s a fear of people believing that I am amazing because I will only disappoint. Like a stalker who obsesses about their prey, they are deluded and dangerous. It feels also like a fear of being cornered and restricted. A fear of becoming a victim of someone else’s control.
This leads me to a feeling of aloneness as I travel precariously on my badly built bike. As I cycle, navigating around people is dangerous. Having to steer around people and slow down on my course of movement means that, again, everything could fall apart. They threaten to destabilize my journey.
So, what has this all got to do with Conscious Being Awareness and it being Saturday?
It is time to get off the bike. Stop trying to get somewhere. Stop trying to balance and achieve in a life that is not connected. If we did not know what day it was or what day it was tomorrow or yesterday, we would feel no need to achieve something by tomorrow or next week or whenever. If there were no concept of time what would we choose to do in each moment in each day? How would we change if we did not think about time at all? I think it completely changes our experience of life.
I have been doing this with amazing results and yet still, every now and then, I insist on getting back on the bike to go some place I think I should be headed. It’s a compulsion that has become weaker the more I have consciously connected. I have been working with my clients in this way for years and I believe that this is why the sessions work out so well. I have no plan, when I facilitate my sessions. I don’t try to steer them anywhere. I just begin, listen inwardly and respond intuitively to what my clients present me with. Many of my clients learn to live their lives in this way, with amazing results.
My clients inspire me and show me my own potential for greatness. They show me that greatness is in all of us when we relax and stop fearing. I am reminded of the stalker in my dream so I ask inwardly: ‘what has this to do with the stalker?’. I am told: ‘Don’t be afraid of your greatness’. And then I wonder, what if the ‘stalker’ in my dream was trying to get me to stop cycling for good reason? What if they were right to believe I was amazing? What if they were my inner self trying to be heard? But why did I fear being controlled by them? I ask inwardly again and I am reminded of how much I resisted the idea of surrendering to the universe. It has taken me years to accept that I have no control and that the universe does. It has taken me years to figure out that I am the universe. This is all so paradoxical.
We are not in control. Not in the way we think we are.
We are not who we think we are.
When we are conscious of ourselves as awareness of experience, rather than controllers of experience, we can enjoy letting go of the idea that we were ever in control. We can stop listening to the compulsion to be somewhere else, somewhere better. We can stop trying to carefully balance, to keep everything from falling apart. Trying to keep going on that unconnected bike takes so much effort and concentration. It’s exhausting. Let go. Find out what happens when you stop trying and just be. Forget what day it is. Forget what time it is. Forget trying to get to where you think you should be headed. Go inside your mind and ask: What do I really choose for myself right now? Let the answer come from the heart and not the head. The answer may surprise you. Or not. Whatever it is, trust it. Don’t judge it. This is conscious being. This is the start of Conscious Being Awareness.
I had no idea what I was going to write about. But which ‘I’ is that, that didn’t know? There was an ‘I’ that obviously did. I listened to her, as I have learned to trust her. She is very wise. She seems to know what is best for me. The outer me doesn’t need to know. The outer me just needs to be a trusting listener.
So today, even though it is Saturday, I have been a little bit productive. I have written this. As I said, I had no idea what I was going to write. If I had insisted on knowing, before starting to write, I wouldn’t have got to the end at all. Insisting on being in control would have got in the way. I like this conscious being awareness. I dare you to try it.
If you would like help to listen inwardly to your wisest self then drop me an email. It may just transform your life.